You have no right to deny your child the right to contribute.

A human being feels able and competent only so long as he is permitted to contribute as much or more than he has contributed to him.

A man can over-contribute and feel secure in an environment. He feels insecure the moment he under-contributes, which is to say, gives less than he receives. If you don’t believe this, recall a time when everyone else brought something to the party but you didn’t. How did you feel?

A human being will revolt against and distrust any source which contributes to him more than he contributes to it.

Parents, naturally, contribute more to a child than the child contributes back. As soon as the child sees this he becomes unhappy. He seeks to raise his contribution level; failing, he gets angry at the contributing source. He begins to detest his parents. They try to override this revolt by contributing more. The child revolts more. It is a bad dwindling spiral because the end of it is that the child will go into apathy.

You must let the child contribute to you. You can’t order him to contribute. You can’t command him to mow the grass and then think that is contribution. He has to figure out what his contribution is and then give it. If he hasn’t selected it, it isn’t his, but only more control.

How to Live with Children    A Child’s Right to Contribute   
Working with a Child’s Willingness    Consulting Willingness   
Allowing Children to Work    Suggestions for Further Study   

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